Summer is finally here!

Summer is finallly here, we had a Long hard Winter with 5 or 6 hospitalatizions- Mulitple med changes, and just over all depression. VJ is usually out fishing every day from the moment he wakes till the moment it is time for Dinner, He has not gone out really Honestly I am kinda worried about him, I want him to be back to “normal” He is usually in bed by 730-8p when I get home between 530-6  The voices are telling him I am sick of him and I am going to leave him. Which btw is not true.

 

Any Advice on How to handle these issues we are going through would be greatly appreciated.

 

4-1-11

 

 

4 days in

Well we are 4 days in and I miss him so much. I know he is working on him and getting better. But will this ever end! What am I thinking no it won’t. It hurts. I hate seeing my baby like this, the other day he got into a fight with his dad and it hurt to hear him so upset but both him and my father in law are hard headed. Lol. Like father like son! VJ was diagnosed with pneumonia while he has hospitalized and I’m glad he was there. They put him on a z pack for 5 days. I don’t know how long he will be in and I know I will stay strong for him

4-1-11

Well it happened again

Well it happened again the voices got so bad this week and were telling my love it was time to die and to harm himself. So he went to our local ccs crisis care unit and they pink slipped him so he is now in a psych unit about 30 mins away. I miss.him so much! Thank god for family and friends standing by us and making sure we are both ok! I talked to his social worked and mentioned that I think it is time for a Ned change. He is on the highest dose of seroquil at 800mg that he has been on for about 10 years as well as the highest dose of invega at 9 mg but he keeps having break through issues that get this bad, I know he is safe where he is and I don’t have to worry about comin home and finding him dead which is my greatest fear.
I have honestly had about 2 anxiety attacks everyday due to this plus other personal family issues I feel like I am going to have a nervous breakdown so I will be getting checked as well. Well that is all for now I have been up since 5 am est due to not being able to sleep. Things keep running through my mind.
Love you all
4-1-11

Things are looking up

Well things are looking up here in our home, VJ was back in the hospital for a few days and they upped his invega to 6mg they also suggested he take it at night so he would not keep forgetting it. And it is working! He has been also going to church with his best friend during the week and this week started going to a guys night at church where they speak about different sins. Tonight’s conversation was on porn and lust. VJ does not have any issues with porn at all he admits to having issues with lust, I admire him for admitting this to me. He is trying so hard to learn where the line is and how not to cross it. He is such a differnt changed man from who he was 3 years ago when I met him. I love him so much and yes I also have my issues with trust an jealousy but I am working non that myself. I cannot wait until the day I marry him and we start a family together, I am not scared of our future we have made it this far.
4-1-11

Question for the loved ones

Have any of you ever felt that you are the cause of the issue? Or that you contribute if u are not the cause? The reason I ask is because I feel this way not all the time but I usually say to myself maybe of I wasn’t with him he would be ok, I know I irratate him when I say I’m sorry when I haven’t done anything or ask him if he is mad at me. VJ went to church this evening with his best friend I stayed home since I am doing about 20 hrs of overtime this week. When they got back VJ was in the other room when his friend asked me if we could talk on tues when I go to his house ( I watch his stepdaughter) it made me concered and he said that it will help me deal with my love, I don’t know what to think. True they have known each other since VJ was 7 but I hate feeling like I have done something wrong whenever someone wants to talk to me. Well this is all for tonight.

4-1-11

Tough day and night

Well today is a tough one, the voices have been really bad today since he woke up. He can never explain what the sound like so I found this site where it has simulations of the voices. http://onemansblog.com/2007/06/13/what-its-really-like-to-be-schizophrenic/
After listening to this I don’t know how he deals with this and still leads a life. My mother in law offered to let me stay with them tonight if I could not stay with him, but how can I leave him here by himself with this happening? We got into an argument today which if anyone you know us is very rare! Today also marks the 2nd anniversary of my grams death so I am very emotional today as well!

4-1-11

Things are going well

Things have been going well, it has been a crazy busy and crazy hot summer. I am hoping that one it slows down ill start blogging more! We are planning a vaca to upstate NY in oct VJ will be working a fishing tournament and I will either help him or hang out on my own reading (my pastime) our little kitty is not so little anymore he is almost 16 pounds and VJ noticed today his collar is gone, how or where it is I have no clue he is an indoor cat only so we should find it soon. Lol.
The voices are still here but not so bad, I’m hoping to start the family to family course that NAMI offers!
Well that is all for now from the home front
4-1-11

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